My 30 Seconds
I had a dance teacher who said that she only had one rule about auditions. When you leave, give yourself 30 seconds to seethe, and question, and let the tears run. And then, stick your chin up, put your shoulders back and in the very wise words of Elsa, from Disney's Frozen, "Let it go!"
For those of you who don't know, I am an aspiring actress. The dream is professional musicals, but dance companies, film and TV work, script writing and plays are also passions of mine.
Right now I am at the very start of my career (I don't even know if you'd count it as started yet) and I know that it is the norm to have a billion rejections in between jobs you do get. But in my eyes, in the least arrogant way I can put this, when I turn up to auditions, I feel I have a higher level of awareness than I've had previous years. I can, to some extent, read what panels are looking for and which characteristics of people's personalities are and aren't desirable. What is troubling me, after yet another rejection today, is that maybe I fall into the category with the girls, naively believing that they could pursue a career in the arts when they just stand no chance. Zero. Zilch. Nada. Am I one of them?
When I was rejected from drama schools for the third year running, I was speaking to my singing teacher during my lesson and the questions that had been slowly growing louder and louder in my brain finally escaped:
"Am I just not good enough?"
"Am I wasting my time?"
"Is there any point in me trying?"
If I am wasting my time, who is there to tell me to stop? The casting directors who see me for less than 10 seconds and know me as a number and not my name? The teachers who's income depends on me being bad and needing to be taught? My family and friends who support me in what I want to do?
So as I let my panic and worries overtake any kind of logical thought in my mind, I bought a coffee and sat down in Pret. After I calmed down, the truths returned and this is what I told myself:
You can't possibly know why you were not chosen. You can guess... and you can drive yourself crazy. But you will never ever know, and you just have to accept that. They even tell you this at every audition. They could already have someone your height, weight or hair colour. Maybe they just couldn't see you extremely well due to spacing and the glances that they did get, well, let's just say they would not have made the highlight reel of that performance. Maybe it just wasn't the performance of your life, not the top of your potential, and that's okay. But instead of seething over it, make a change. Get up, get out there, train some more and try again. That's the only way to make it in this industry.
Whatever you do, don't beat yourself up about it. There are more jobs and more opportunities out there than you'll ever know. As cliché as it sounds, everything happens for a reason. Maybe something better will turn up tomorrow! You just never know and that in a way is a perk of the job - it always keeps you on your toes, always exciting and unexpected.
Right, I've had way more than my 30 seconds of time to reflect. I'm off to spend a voucher in lululemon that I got for my birthday- new leggings, woo!
At the end of the day, I know this industry is hard, and I know that I am good enough to survive a career even if I need more training to help me to reach my full potential.
Somebody has to get the job. Why not me?
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