Ch-ch-ch-ch-ch-changing!

I bought a gorgeous diary from Kikki K three weeks ago and each weekly page has a motivational quote at the bottom.  I am a sucker for cringey quotes so it’s just another element of the diary that I love. Last week’s quote really stood out to me. It was by Jim Rohn, an American entrepreneur, author and motivational speaker: “Your life does not get better by chance, it gets better by change.” This really made me reflect on what I’ve changed over the past months because I have been actively focusing on changing bits of my life that were no longer making me happy and I feel like a different person.

For those of you who don’t know, I have been taking what I was calling a ‘gap year’ this last year. But before you think I'm going to start bragging about waterfalls and sky dives, it wasn’t anything like the rich kids of Instagram who travel the world… Not even close.

I gained a place on the reserve list at a drama school in December, so I felt like my year out got off to a great start but with the possibility of having to afford the first year of fees, the last 8 months of my life were spent working at two jobs, saving as much money as I could, and regularly battling with my mental health doing my best to stay positive and hopeful.

But I realised that the waiting for the school to contact me, and the fact that I was spending no time working towards anything to do with my long terms goals was bumming me down BIG TIME! All my friends were at Uni or at drama school doing what I wanted to be doing or felt I should be doing and it sucked balls! The only thing that I can be grateful for looking back at this time is that the intense work weeks I had gave my life the routine and structure that without, I don’t know what state my mental health would’ve deteriorated into. (Sorry to be so dramatic lol)

Out of the blue, I auditioned for a play in an amateur dramatics group in my area and was offered a role! And to be honest, this was kind of my saving grace. Towards the beginning of my rehearsals, I had literally forgotten how to act and the stress of making a fool out of myself at rehearsals was too real. However I persisted through what I know of the creative process, illustrated by the image here, stuck between 3 and 4 for quite a few rehearsals, and eventually I remembered how to act like a believable human, as opposed to the stiff awkward robot I started rehearsals as in April.

 (We got a good review too! Shameless plug, check it out if ya wanna: https://www.essentialsurrey.co.uk/theatre-arts/review-services-rendered-riverhouse-barn/ )

The cast members from my play inspired me massively. Each of them had such a different day job and the thing that brought us all together was our love of theatre. So with the help, support and guidance from some of them I could see an array of opportunities on my horizon and I planned my next steps. I realised that I was extremely unhappy with where I currently was with nearly every other aspect of my life other than the play, and having not heard back from the drama school I was on reserve for yet, I began to plan a getaway.

I thought that as performing in the play had grounded me again, I could get a performing job on a cruise ship or something similar and that would be a healthy logical choice for me. I would be able to travel, finally, after my plans had been stalled since saving for drama school took my top priority. So I went to a few auditions with a new found sense of purpose but hearing about the jobs available, I knew that what they were offering just wasn’t what I wanted at that point in time.

In June, I left one of my jobs that was taking up a lot of my time and the majority of my energy and felt like I was retired! I frolicked around coffee shops and went for long walks with my friends. I began to rebuild the happiness and stability in my life. I lost the routine of having somewhere to get up and go to every morning but I was free to use my time to propel me into the next stages of my life. I began to get very excited of all the possibilities and this is where my Gap Year 2.0 Plan came into play: a long list of ideas and projects I could achieve to bring me closer to breaking through into the industry.

The drama group I was now part of was auditioning for their next production the day after we closed the play, a musical, much more my style than the play had been and I was torn whether to audition or not. I was still in the mind frame that I wanted to go travelling and that I was unhappy with my life here, so I spoke to the director of the play and my cast mates about cruise ships about what I should do. And even if I did audition, I would most probably be cast as an ensemble member, doing some tap dancing and backing vocals so did I want to give up a lot of time just for a small part if I could be travelling on a cruise ship instead?

Eventually I decided to audition, but under the conditions with myself, that I needed to sort out my life around the production to ensure it wouldn’t become the entirety of my life’s happiness. I became a new person all round, with my friends commenting on my new found positivity and drive. It wasn’t a new addition to my personality, it had merely been hidden or lost for a little while and all I needed was the belief that it would return to me eventually. And to top it all off, I was offered a lead role in the musical! (http://rdg.org/productions/white-christmas)

With my plans now changed, I saw all the opportunities I could take advantage of this year. I can audition for drama schools again, with even more experience behind me, my voice is growing every year and I can use my time to train that I didn’t have last year. I can take dance classes up in London, and go to see all the shows I want to. Take piano lessons and continue with my singing teacher. I could get a job at Stagecoach at the weekend, get professional headshots done and apply for short films to begin my acting resume. But one of the biggest changes I have made is leaving my job and I start a new job in two weeks time which I am very excited for!

A lot of the other changes I made were small, but that's not to say they weren't powerful. Another silly quote that has really stood out to me is that the small changes you make every day have the biggest impact. 

So be prepared for my next blog post coming next week to show the daily habits that I have instilled into my life to really increase my contentment with my life. 

I guess the point of this post isn’t to brag about how great my life is, because it really isn’t perfect. But I’ve shifted my focus massively and instilled new practises that have made me ridiculously happy in the last month, and I’m damn proud of that! So thank you to Jim Rohn for giving me the perspective to reflect on the changes I have made in such a short space of time and the motivation to keep up the momentum for the next year. Each and every change is helping me to become closer to being the best version of myself.

I’m still not where I would like to ideally be in life, but I’m sure as heck closer than I was 8 months ago, 2 months ago or even 2 weeks ago. More than anything, I’m glad that I am able to document these changes creatively with this blog.

If you’re still reading, thank you. Speak to you again next week.